Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Hopes Risen Overall for the Future but Dashed Today By Thai Plastic Surgeons


My hopes of one day being a dog soared today as the American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons released its list of predictions for what the coming year will hold for those looking to change their appearance. Good news included that the increasing amount of diversity in those undergoing plastic surgery would lead to doctors developing new procedures specifically tailored to a patient's needs. Also the fact that the safeness for these operations is rising and recovery time falling provides comfort about the moment of my transformation and beyond. I know that if I'm not photographed romping around with a photogenic small child aged no more than eight years in a field of flowers at most two weeks post-op, I will not be satisfied.

All that was much needed reassurance, as once again a dead end has arisen in Thailand. After e-mailing Destination Beauty about arranging an appointment in Bangkok using the assumed name of Allen Wilson as many of the clinics there have blacklisted me for harassment, my personal contact Mint replied rather noncommittally.


I wrote back with my enthusiasm cautiously reigned in, believing that this may be my chance. The response came like a swift rolled up news paper to the nose, rigidly saying, "No!"


Of course it will require new procedures, that's why I'm offering you enough American dollars to buy a town home in the nicer part of Heaven to develop them!

However, know that this indomitable spirit will not be crushed by merely this, and I will continue to fight my battles until my species matches my identity.


3 comments:

  1. This is really disappointing. Last night before I went to bed, I prayed to His Holy Ghost and asked for him to help you. I hope he blesses you with some open doors.

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  2. Better! Some notes:

    - Your headline "Hopes Risen Overall for the Future but Dashed Today Thai Plastic Surgeons" seems to have a word or two missing and doesn't really tell me what hopes you're talking about. Just say "2011 May Not Be The Year Plastic Surgery Turns Me Into A Dog," or "2011 Plastic Surgery Prediction List Lets Down Those WIshing To Turn Into A Dog, Like Me." See the difference? Try writing two different headlines to this story.

    - Paragraph break after "appearance" to break up large block of text at the start.

    - You would never say this in a conversation: "Good news included that the increasing amount of diversity in those undergoing plastic surgery would lead to doctors developing new procedures specifically tailored to a patient's needs." It's clunky and awkward. How could you rewrite it more conversationally?

    - Your images are way small. We'll go over how to link to larger images tomorrow. In the meanwhile, if you're ever dealing with poor-quality images of correspondence, it's better to quote the exchange. Also, would have loved to have seen the letter you wrote to the clinic. Show both sides, yo!

    Otherwise, very funny.

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  3. I want you to know that I fully support your dream and I know there's hope out there; I'm sure you've heard of the tiger man... http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&q=tiger+man&revid=1547709820&um=1&biw=1281&bih=680&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=iw
    you should get in touch with whoever is responsible for that fine work of art. But hopefully plastic surgeons aren't just cat people.

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